Kim: Have you got your gun Meg?
Meghan: Yep, switched on and ready to fire.
Kim: Meg, where is the gun?
Meghan: In my pocket.
Kim: Meghan, turn it off… remember what happened to the rubber chicken factory? If it goes off in your pocket, you'll be lucky to have one cell left.
Meghan: I knew I'd forgotten something… Thanks for reminding me.
*Takes laser gun out of pocket*
Meghan: ok, so where do I point it at then?
Kim: Meg?
Meghan: Ya?
Kim: Turn off the gun and put it back in your pocket…
Meghan: But what will happen if I need to fire it really fast and forget it's off?
Kim: *whispers to hit frog standing next to her* Can you explain his to her in more technical terms while I go see if Lorna's ready? She may become more interested in the future safety of the planet if you use long words… she seems to like them, although, we can never be sure of how much she actually understands…
(Addressing Meghan) I have to go see if Lorna's ready, this hit frog here will tell you what you need to do if you have to fire the gun really fast. I'll be back in approximately half an hour…
Meghan: why so long?
Kim: I have some other business to attend to also…
*Kim leaves*
Lorna: Hay Kim, how's Meghan finding the gun?
Kim: I think she's a little pissed off with it at the moment, she's discovered that it can't be on and in her pocket at the same time…
Lorna: Ah… I was thinking that this might happen.
Kim: I'm afraid to say that I was so busy with the preparation for the conquest that it slipped my mind… well that's another lesson learnt for the future.
Lorna: Yes… *goes off into dreamlike stare*
Kim: *raises eyes to heaven* You went to visit Steven didn't you…
Lorna: *smiles sheepishly* Ya…
Kim: What did he give you…
Lorna: A tissue…
Kim: Isn't it usually that the lady gives the knight her handkerchief?
Lorna: Well I did, but then I started to sneeze and he gave me a tissue.
Kim: That makes much more sense…
Lorna: (continues as if Kim had never spoke) then he said bless you…
Kim: that's nice…
Lorna: And when I tried to give him the tissue back he said ‘no, keep it'
Kim: Lorna I gotta go now…
Lorna: And then he blinked…
*Shutting of door softly*
Lorna: *sighs*
(And I swear that's the only ‘'romantic'' bit in the whole story)
Meanwhile, at the world day of peace march in Limerick…
David: This is gona be brilliant!
Conor: ya. Wait David, your cap.
David: oh yea!
*Turns cap the ‘sham' way*
Conor: Much better… You ready?
David: Ya, you might just wana tuck in your t-shirt a little more though.
*Tucks shirt in a little more*
Conor: Okay, ready.
David: Me too, let's rock.
2 mins later… when they meet the march just coming on to cruises street…
Sham1: look at those 2 fellas, they're not shams at all like. Look at the recite your man's got in his hand, He didn't steal the stuff at all like.
Sham2: Ya! And is that real gel he has in his hair? Where'd he get the money to buy that like?
Sham3: ya like.
Sham1: do you think we should teach ‘em a lesson like?
Sham2: sure why not like, but how ‘ll we do it like?
Sham3: ya like.
Sham1: I say we show ‘em how it's done.
Sham2: ok like, lets do it like.
Sham3: ya like.
*Shams fall into step with Conor and David as they pass them (like)*
David: are ye impersonatin shams too like?
Sham1: did you hear what he said like?
Sham2: He doesn't think were shams like.
Sham3: ya like.
Sham1: Are you sayin that we're not good enough to be real shams are ye like?
David: Ya like.
Sham3: he stole my line! *Jumps on David and attempts to wrestle him to the ground*
David: are you ok up there like?
Sham3: (faraway sounding) ‘mother f****r'
Sham2: let him down like.
David: I'm not stopping him like.
Sham1: you think your funny do ya like? Huh? Picking on innocent people in the street…
David: dude, he jumped on me.
Sham2: now your back chatin are ye? I say we teach him a real lesson, right Bobby! (Has to shout to sham3)
Bobby (a.k.a. sham3): Ya!
Sham2 beckons to sham 1, they advance on David…
Conor (hiding in a shop door): This may be even better than TV…
*Fight ensues, soon millions of shams are fighting each other*
David: Quick lets get out of here, before they find out we're the ones who started it.
Conor: I agree.
*They both turn around, only to be confronted by a sham Garda*
Sham Garda: come on lads, your coming with me like.
Kim: *knocks on door* Meghan?
Meghan: come in.
Kim: Conor and David have just turned world peace day into world sham fighting day.
Meghan: What's new?
Kim: true… any way, how's the gun coming?
Meghan: well, they gave me a holster for it.
Kim that's great, so your all set then.
Meghan: not quite, I shot it…
Kim: *buries head in cushion* Meghan!
Meghan: It's ok, they found a material that it can't shoot through.
Kim: Thank God!
Meghan: Ya they're making me some pockets out of it…
Kim: when will they be ready do you think?
Meghan: Haven't a clue. Frog said something about photosynthesis and mitoses and having to add methane blue stain to the patella… after that I got kind of confused…
Kim: Alright, so long as they've sorted some thing out for you that's fine… are you ok on your own for a while?
Meghan: well before you came I had been on my own for a while s I guess so… why do you sound so afraid?
Kim: um…*thinks quickly* af-f-raid? No, not at all, I'm just exited, about the conquest and all…
Meghan: ok, see you soon Kim!
Kim: bye.
*Kim shuts door*
*Loud explosion*
Kim: Meg? Are you ok?
Meghan: ya, I just fired the gun at some spare semtex I had lying around…
Kim: *thinks* I'm not going to ask…
Meghan: you didn't really like your beanie baby collection… right?
Kim: *thinks*concentrate on conquest, concentrate on conquest…
Meghan: or your jewelry, or your laptop…
Kim: *thinks* conquest, conquest, conquest, conquest, conquest, conquest…
Meghan: Kim did you really like your room?
In Limerick prison…
David (talking to Garda): I know my rights! I want my phone call!
Garda: Nobody's stopping you… the phones over there…
David: Thank you!
*Walks over to phone, pick up handset and dials a number*
David: Hello? Domino's pizza? Ya I'll have 10, no make that 20 pepperoni pizzas, just pick off the pepperoni, I'm trying to watch my weight… No I don't want cheese pizzas, I want pepperoni pizzas without the pepperoni… Thank you… ya, they'll pay you at the door.
*Turns around to smile conspiratorially at Conor*
David: Ya thanks. 20 mins? Great. Yea, bye.
Garda: Rightio, back into the cell you go. (Talking to Conor) You want your phone call too?
Conor: Nah… I'll wait.
David: *laughs quietly*
20 mins later…
*Garda opens door*
Delivery person: Somebody order 20 pepperoni pizzas with the pepperoni picked off?
Garda: *shouts incoherently*
At Kim's house…
Kim: so is everyone ready?
All (consisting of Meghan, Lorna and the army of hit frogs): PRETTY MUCH.
Kim: Good, let us march!
All: YES
*Nothing happens*
Kim: MARCH!
*Marching ensues*
Kim: phew… Meghan, Lorna, shall we mount our horses?
Meghan: wait a sec I just gotta…*fumbles with shoe* there! Got it. *Hands Lorna a piece of charred paper* from Steven.
Lorna: *squeals* *reads quickly while a new look of determination comes over face* Ok, now we can go.
Kim: Meghan?
Meghan: yes, we may depart.
*The co-majesties and duchess ride to the front of their army and assume regal expressions*
And so the war began…
And ended 3 days later when the majesties were forced to surrender, out numbered.
At limerick jail…
Kim: We really screwed up. We should have had a bigger army before we
Tried to take over the World's biggest franchise. Oh, well, I suppose
David or Conor can bail us out. No wait. They're in for disturbing the
Peace at that march on World Day of Peace. Of all the days in the
Calendar, they had to pick that one to walk around Limerick with their jumpers tucked in and their caps on wrong doing a sham impression. And Duke somehow managed to escape out of this maximum-security jail, while under 24-hour surveillance, and left us here. Have you used your phone call yet?
Meghan: no, but apparently David tried to order pizza with his…
Kim: What do you mean David tried to use it to order a pizza? Well that's just
Great!
Meghan: ya… I wonder if they have any left…
Kim: Meghan now is not the time to be thinking about pizza! We're locked up in jail and all of our friends are too! Why oh why did Kayla have to be accused of drug taking?!?!? I will kill both David and Conor when get outta here for starting that rumor! And of coarse Tadhg had to try and break her out the macho way…
Meghan: ya, stupid yeti…
30 mins later…
Garda: You guy's are free to go were bailed out.
Kim: What do you mean we were bailed out? (To Meghan) Who do we know that isn't in here?
Garda: some rich accountant guy…drove a corvette…
Kim: I don't know any rich accountant who drives a corvette!
Garda: A Mr. McKinney I think…
Kim: A Mr. McKinney! Oh for %$&*"£$ "£$*&%^ "£"$%^%$!
To be continued…